What really matters?

Okay, so I am applying for jobs as much as I can. These days it seems I have to rely on staffing agencies or personal connections. At all my interviews people ask what my future plans are right after my degree comes up. It makes feel as if I should have a more concrete answer.

Here is what I've been thinking...

why do people look at people in "full time ministry" differently than everyone else. I will do more for God in a secular job if I am living with a mission than I would "in ministry" if I was just doing it as a job. I will be a more godly man if I pursue Christ because I love Him than if I practice spiritual disciplines because "that's what Christians do."

I know as much about the Bible as any young pastor, but as soon as I become clergy and get ordained people will start treating me much differently. All the sudden I am one of the "professionals" in the minds of Christian and heathen alike (yes, I use the term heathen loosely not as a slight). This is something that really bothers me. I have a lot of growing to do, but the minute I would become a chaplain people would all the sudden put me in this super class.

I want to build a reputation of being a God fearing man of integrity because of my dependence on Him, not because of degree or job title. Everyone that I come into contact with is dearly loved by God and there is a battle going on for his or her soul and that needs to define my actions. I really can be doing so much more. When is the last time God used me to lead someone to the truth of His salvation? Good question? Do you think that is a bad way to measure myself, because I don't. Some might say, "Ryan, it is God who saves, you just need to be a good witness and the rest is up to Him." I say that the fruit of a good witness is changed lives. Jesus commissioned his disciples to make disciples who make disciples (Matt. 28). As a disciple, I can't say I've been doing that very well. I can get so distracted with me time, family time, and work that I lose sight of what Jesus has called me to do. And I could separate my calling from my job, family, and hobbies instead of living out my calling in all of those things.

I'm not trying to beat myself or anyone else up here, but the reality is that people are dying every day and my own time is running out too. When I come before God at the end of it all I want Him to say that I have done well. If I died today I don't know if He would say that. I'm just trying to be real here, not harsh and no one knows how I am doing better than me. So the question I have to ask myself is, what do I do about it?

flying a kite

I know that I haven't written in awhile. There has been so much going on and I don't know how to sort it all out. There is so much even going through my head right now that I don't know where to start. So for now I will just tell a story that was told to me just a couple of days ago...

There was a boy who very badly wanted to fly his kite. But when he told his grandma, she said that he should wait because there was no wind. He was so excited that he went out anyway. Grandma watched through the window as he ran back and forth over and over again trying to get his kite to fly. When he finally wore himself out, he came in exhausted and a little disappointed. He could do everything in his power to get that kite to fly, but He can't do anything until God provides the wind.

I don't know who to give credit for this story. I don't even remember the name of the person who told me. I do know that God using that person to communicate this point too me, because right away I knew that that boy is me. I am open to anything and I am trying to look for God's will. Instead of waiting for doors to open I feel I have been trying to push some open. I truly feel this sense that this life can end at any moment and I will be standing before a Holy God who will take an account for what He has given me. What I need to be concerned with is how faithful I am right now with what God has already put in front of me.

Lessons from Lyla...

Having a child can teach you things about yourself, life, and God. What does this have to do with the prison ministry? Good question. This blog is about me becoming and Lord willing being a chaplain one day. What I learn and different experiences I have in life will contribute to my effectiveness as a chaplain.

I've heard before that babies and toddlers are like sponges, meaning that they absorb a lot of what they witness. They are constantly learning new things and growing accordingly. Lyla has not started displaying things that she learns to the point of surprising me yet. But I have been seeing how much she pays attention to things and soaks everything in. She is constantly investigating different things. I've heard that around the time that kids start speaking they learn fifty new words a month.

Isn't that how we were as new believers. We were just soaking it all in. We eagerly read the Bible, attended Bible studies, prayed, and made commitments. Many new believers regularly share their new faith with excitement. The older we get the less we learn and with less excitement. As believers, the excitement often dies off and we stop learning. When we stop learning, we stop growing.

I have the potential to put security in what I know and the experiences I have had. I could stop listening to people and be resistant to new ideas. But even when I'm eighty, I hope to still be looking for what I can learn as I did when I was a child. Just because I'm older doesn't mean that I can't learn from younger generations (like my baby). If I'm highly educated, I can still learn things from people who aren't. Pride is the biggest enemy of growth. My desire is to approach God and life with child like faith.

Being faithful...

Most of the posts I write are very intentional. Sometimes I just want to lay my thoughts out on the table. I usually don't know what God wants from me personally. I know what He wants as far as what is in His Word. But past that is not always so clear. I think that is because we are not always called to specific things along the way. We are simply to be faithful to what is clear in Scripture. There is plenty there to follow. "Go make disciples," is a life long calling for all believers no matter what your position is in life and that is just one thing. If I'm not being faithful to God as a child of His, father to my kids, husband to my wife, and witness to those in my sphere of influence, then I'm missing the essentials. Besides, if God really wants me to do something specific then I'm sure it will be obvious, not a guessing game.

So, am I "called" to be a chaplain at a specific prison? Not that I know of at this point. Am I "called" to be a chaplain at all? I haven't seen a burning bush or anything so I would say maybe. I could be involved as a volunteer for the rest of my life while working in the business world. But, why would I want to spend 40 to 50 hours a week doing something that I don't enjoy. Some people love being a businessman, teacher, lawyer, or doctor. But, I love the prison ministry. It is an incredibly fulfilling and active ministry where lives are constantly changing. Therefore, I will just keep moving forward and try to be faithful to the things that I'm sure of and trust that God will let me know if He has any specifics. I'm excited to be a chaplain regardless of where I serve. But, the idea of York County Prison is exciting. Just think about it...

• The girl that I got into trouble with is now my wife.
• Her father, who called me an enemy of the family, now calls me son.
• The brothers that called the police on me are now my brothers and good friends.
• The Chaplain who ministered to me would mentor me into ministering to current inmates.
• The prison that kept me for a few months would be my mission field.
• From a Christian perspective, redemption has gone full circle.
• From a secular perspective, the ideal of corrections has reached its full potential.
• A changed life is now tangible.

Most of these things will still be the same where ever I serve, but not all. I don't mean to harbor on a door that is now shut, but I still hold out some hope. I am at peace with everything, but I can still pray for God to do what only He can. There aren't any other immediate openings for me at this point. I will continue to what I can for now, wait on what I must, and pray for it all.

walking by faith, even when I can't see

Following God can be a tricky business. There are so many things that can interfere like my own desires, fears, doubts, bad advice, misinterpretation of truth, and many more I'm sure. Some people have to follow God through tragedy before they reach the fulfillment of promise. I just was to look at a few examples.

• Abraham and Sarai promised a son- they were elderly when fulfilled
• Joseph called by God to be a great leader, even over his older brothers- fulfilled after 7 years of slavery and 7 more in prison
• David anointed to be King- pursued by Saul who wanted to kill him
• Jonah called to preach to a group of people he hated intensely
• Saul (Paul) convinced he was called by God to persecute Christians- became the greatest Christian evangelist and theologian of his time.
• Jesus promised to reign on David's throne in complete peace and prosperity- gave up his life for sinners and still waiting.

There are so many more examples in the Bible of people who knew what God's will was and it was really tough. There were people who thought they knew His will but tried to make it happen their way or were just way off. That is me right now. Everything that was going on in my life made it seem to me and others that God was orchestrating events for me to be a chaplain at York County Prison. Then, unexpected by all it fell apart. GNJP ministry is going to talk to me about placement opportunities elsewhere. This is a small thing compared to the examples I gave, but my journey is not complete. God knows where I can have the greatest impact and that I am willing to do whatever He wants me to do. The time that I have to serve Him on earth is limited and I see my life as worthless if I do anything else.

Of course I am disappointed and frustrated. I was planning on moving in three weeks and have been trying to sell my house since June. I put my notice in at work a few weeks ago. I was excited to start working in the prison. Jess and I were really looking forward to being with family.

But, I cannot see how it all will end. I cannot even see what is next, it may be so much better and we could be so much more excited. But, what if it wasn't? Who says it will be? I'm sure we can all list examples of Christians throughout the ages who didn't have it so good because of following God. Am I still willing to follow? As Christians, our hope is not in this life but in eternity. That is why Paul said that if what we believe is false, then Christians should be pitied more than all others. I don't know what's next. But, I will serve the Lord. Right now I feel like my life is up in air.

Now all I can do it wait...

To my bbb's and bff's

There is a common phrase now used, "Best friends forever" or "bff". Now, I've only heard of females using this phrase so I would have to be cautious before using it myself. But I've thought of one of my own..."bbb" or "brothers behind bars" or maybe "triple b." What is the point of all of this non-sense? Well, I'm glad you asked. I really just want to friendly the whole scene up a little bit.

When people hear about me pursuing chaplaincy the typical response is one of caution. It is as if I have chosen some dangerous vocation in the ranks with LAPD swat, subcontracting in Iraq, or a missionary in China.

I volunteer now in a state facility where the inmates have all committed more serious crimes. But, the guys that I meet with are all professing Christians and it is really just like any other Bible study. The examples they might have from their lives during discussions will often be different than a Bible study in suburbia, but that is about all. Many of these guys who come to Christ really need to be plugged in to an active church, if and when they are released, where they can walk their faith out. It is not uncommon for people to commit their lives to Christ without any change to follow. The bad part for ex-cons is that they get back into their old social networks and fall away from their faith and often go back to their criminal activities. I think that the core issue is the same in both situations. Becoming a Christian means that our whole life changes. We have new priorities, purposes, and a new sub-culture. Many other things might need to change like speech, appearance, habits, hobbies, finances, and more. The Bible talks about the old things passing away and being a new creation in Christ (2 Cr. 5:17). The church is our foundation for this life in Christ, who is the Cornerstone. It is through the church that we exercise our gifts and find our purpose in God's master plan. So many people pick a church based off of the show they put on for Sunday morning, but that is not the church. That is a man made tradition to worship and be taught as a group. The most important part is how each member contributes his or her God given gifts and abilities to further the kingdom (it's not about us). It is through this body we call the church, that ex-con's or law abiding citizens have a chance to be rehabilitated from sinners to saints. A community where we can work out our salvation in a process we call sanctification and live a life or purpose that is beyond ourselves. Christianity is not just a belief system that requires us to stop doing a bunch of things. It is a whole new way of living that is less about us and more about God and other people.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Amen

Chaplaincy on the horizon

The Bible study was cancelled tonight. So, how about I share some more of the process. There are still a few more steps to the process with the Good News Ministry, but there is a chance that I will be filling the spot of one of the chaplains who is retiring from York County Prison and starting in January. I have a week intensive training in Richmond, VA that will hopefully happen in November or December. Then I may be moving up to PA in December so that I can train with the retiring chaplain. It is all so overwhelming to see how all of this is working out. God really seems to be orchestrating everything, which is very humbling. I look forward to seeing what God is doing there and how He will use me. I know I will have some pretty awesome things to share.

I'm so excited to be a chaplain. I have been working toward this for around three years now. I believe that God has confirmed that this is His plan. I didn't set out a fleece, get knocked off a donkey, or talk to a burning bush or anything, but His work has been evident in my life. The only obstacle is my house. It has been on the market since June and we have had around 29 showings. I am praying for it to sell by the holidays. I know that God doesn't operate in my timing. Sometimes I think He waits until the last minute so that we will remain dependent on Him. If everything happened the way we wanted it to than we probably wouldn't give God credit for any of it. So I'm not worried about it, but it is a thorn in my side at the moment. I would appreciate any prayers over it. Another thought is that some of the guards may even remember me or visa-versa. I think of what a testimony that will be. It's like redemption has gone completely full circle in my life and I am amazed!