What really matters?

Okay, so I am applying for jobs as much as I can. These days it seems I have to rely on staffing agencies or personal connections. At all my interviews people ask what my future plans are right after my degree comes up. It makes feel as if I should have a more concrete answer.

Here is what I've been thinking...

why do people look at people in "full time ministry" differently than everyone else. I will do more for God in a secular job if I am living with a mission than I would "in ministry" if I was just doing it as a job. I will be a more godly man if I pursue Christ because I love Him than if I practice spiritual disciplines because "that's what Christians do."

I know as much about the Bible as any young pastor, but as soon as I become clergy and get ordained people will start treating me much differently. All the sudden I am one of the "professionals" in the minds of Christian and heathen alike (yes, I use the term heathen loosely not as a slight). This is something that really bothers me. I have a lot of growing to do, but the minute I would become a chaplain people would all the sudden put me in this super class.

I want to build a reputation of being a God fearing man of integrity because of my dependence on Him, not because of degree or job title. Everyone that I come into contact with is dearly loved by God and there is a battle going on for his or her soul and that needs to define my actions. I really can be doing so much more. When is the last time God used me to lead someone to the truth of His salvation? Good question? Do you think that is a bad way to measure myself, because I don't. Some might say, "Ryan, it is God who saves, you just need to be a good witness and the rest is up to Him." I say that the fruit of a good witness is changed lives. Jesus commissioned his disciples to make disciples who make disciples (Matt. 28). As a disciple, I can't say I've been doing that very well. I can get so distracted with me time, family time, and work that I lose sight of what Jesus has called me to do. And I could separate my calling from my job, family, and hobbies instead of living out my calling in all of those things.

I'm not trying to beat myself or anyone else up here, but the reality is that people are dying every day and my own time is running out too. When I come before God at the end of it all I want Him to say that I have done well. If I died today I don't know if He would say that. I'm just trying to be real here, not harsh and no one knows how I am doing better than me. So the question I have to ask myself is, what do I do about it?