Lessons from Lyla...

Having a child can teach you things about yourself, life, and God. What does this have to do with the prison ministry? Good question. This blog is about me becoming and Lord willing being a chaplain one day. What I learn and different experiences I have in life will contribute to my effectiveness as a chaplain.

I've heard before that babies and toddlers are like sponges, meaning that they absorb a lot of what they witness. They are constantly learning new things and growing accordingly. Lyla has not started displaying things that she learns to the point of surprising me yet. But I have been seeing how much she pays attention to things and soaks everything in. She is constantly investigating different things. I've heard that around the time that kids start speaking they learn fifty new words a month.

Isn't that how we were as new believers. We were just soaking it all in. We eagerly read the Bible, attended Bible studies, prayed, and made commitments. Many new believers regularly share their new faith with excitement. The older we get the less we learn and with less excitement. As believers, the excitement often dies off and we stop learning. When we stop learning, we stop growing.

I have the potential to put security in what I know and the experiences I have had. I could stop listening to people and be resistant to new ideas. But even when I'm eighty, I hope to still be looking for what I can learn as I did when I was a child. Just because I'm older doesn't mean that I can't learn from younger generations (like my baby). If I'm highly educated, I can still learn things from people who aren't. Pride is the biggest enemy of growth. My desire is to approach God and life with child like faith.

Being faithful...

Most of the posts I write are very intentional. Sometimes I just want to lay my thoughts out on the table. I usually don't know what God wants from me personally. I know what He wants as far as what is in His Word. But past that is not always so clear. I think that is because we are not always called to specific things along the way. We are simply to be faithful to what is clear in Scripture. There is plenty there to follow. "Go make disciples," is a life long calling for all believers no matter what your position is in life and that is just one thing. If I'm not being faithful to God as a child of His, father to my kids, husband to my wife, and witness to those in my sphere of influence, then I'm missing the essentials. Besides, if God really wants me to do something specific then I'm sure it will be obvious, not a guessing game.

So, am I "called" to be a chaplain at a specific prison? Not that I know of at this point. Am I "called" to be a chaplain at all? I haven't seen a burning bush or anything so I would say maybe. I could be involved as a volunteer for the rest of my life while working in the business world. But, why would I want to spend 40 to 50 hours a week doing something that I don't enjoy. Some people love being a businessman, teacher, lawyer, or doctor. But, I love the prison ministry. It is an incredibly fulfilling and active ministry where lives are constantly changing. Therefore, I will just keep moving forward and try to be faithful to the things that I'm sure of and trust that God will let me know if He has any specifics. I'm excited to be a chaplain regardless of where I serve. But, the idea of York County Prison is exciting. Just think about it...

• The girl that I got into trouble with is now my wife.
• Her father, who called me an enemy of the family, now calls me son.
• The brothers that called the police on me are now my brothers and good friends.
• The Chaplain who ministered to me would mentor me into ministering to current inmates.
• The prison that kept me for a few months would be my mission field.
• From a Christian perspective, redemption has gone full circle.
• From a secular perspective, the ideal of corrections has reached its full potential.
• A changed life is now tangible.

Most of these things will still be the same where ever I serve, but not all. I don't mean to harbor on a door that is now shut, but I still hold out some hope. I am at peace with everything, but I can still pray for God to do what only He can. There aren't any other immediate openings for me at this point. I will continue to what I can for now, wait on what I must, and pray for it all.

walking by faith, even when I can't see

Following God can be a tricky business. There are so many things that can interfere like my own desires, fears, doubts, bad advice, misinterpretation of truth, and many more I'm sure. Some people have to follow God through tragedy before they reach the fulfillment of promise. I just was to look at a few examples.

• Abraham and Sarai promised a son- they were elderly when fulfilled
• Joseph called by God to be a great leader, even over his older brothers- fulfilled after 7 years of slavery and 7 more in prison
• David anointed to be King- pursued by Saul who wanted to kill him
• Jonah called to preach to a group of people he hated intensely
• Saul (Paul) convinced he was called by God to persecute Christians- became the greatest Christian evangelist and theologian of his time.
• Jesus promised to reign on David's throne in complete peace and prosperity- gave up his life for sinners and still waiting.

There are so many more examples in the Bible of people who knew what God's will was and it was really tough. There were people who thought they knew His will but tried to make it happen their way or were just way off. That is me right now. Everything that was going on in my life made it seem to me and others that God was orchestrating events for me to be a chaplain at York County Prison. Then, unexpected by all it fell apart. GNJP ministry is going to talk to me about placement opportunities elsewhere. This is a small thing compared to the examples I gave, but my journey is not complete. God knows where I can have the greatest impact and that I am willing to do whatever He wants me to do. The time that I have to serve Him on earth is limited and I see my life as worthless if I do anything else.

Of course I am disappointed and frustrated. I was planning on moving in three weeks and have been trying to sell my house since June. I put my notice in at work a few weeks ago. I was excited to start working in the prison. Jess and I were really looking forward to being with family.

But, I cannot see how it all will end. I cannot even see what is next, it may be so much better and we could be so much more excited. But, what if it wasn't? Who says it will be? I'm sure we can all list examples of Christians throughout the ages who didn't have it so good because of following God. Am I still willing to follow? As Christians, our hope is not in this life but in eternity. That is why Paul said that if what we believe is false, then Christians should be pitied more than all others. I don't know what's next. But, I will serve the Lord. Right now I feel like my life is up in air.

Now all I can do it wait...

To my bbb's and bff's

There is a common phrase now used, "Best friends forever" or "bff". Now, I've only heard of females using this phrase so I would have to be cautious before using it myself. But I've thought of one of my own..."bbb" or "brothers behind bars" or maybe "triple b." What is the point of all of this non-sense? Well, I'm glad you asked. I really just want to friendly the whole scene up a little bit.

When people hear about me pursuing chaplaincy the typical response is one of caution. It is as if I have chosen some dangerous vocation in the ranks with LAPD swat, subcontracting in Iraq, or a missionary in China.

I volunteer now in a state facility where the inmates have all committed more serious crimes. But, the guys that I meet with are all professing Christians and it is really just like any other Bible study. The examples they might have from their lives during discussions will often be different than a Bible study in suburbia, but that is about all. Many of these guys who come to Christ really need to be plugged in to an active church, if and when they are released, where they can walk their faith out. It is not uncommon for people to commit their lives to Christ without any change to follow. The bad part for ex-cons is that they get back into their old social networks and fall away from their faith and often go back to their criminal activities. I think that the core issue is the same in both situations. Becoming a Christian means that our whole life changes. We have new priorities, purposes, and a new sub-culture. Many other things might need to change like speech, appearance, habits, hobbies, finances, and more. The Bible talks about the old things passing away and being a new creation in Christ (2 Cr. 5:17). The church is our foundation for this life in Christ, who is the Cornerstone. It is through the church that we exercise our gifts and find our purpose in God's master plan. So many people pick a church based off of the show they put on for Sunday morning, but that is not the church. That is a man made tradition to worship and be taught as a group. The most important part is how each member contributes his or her God given gifts and abilities to further the kingdom (it's not about us). It is through this body we call the church, that ex-con's or law abiding citizens have a chance to be rehabilitated from sinners to saints. A community where we can work out our salvation in a process we call sanctification and live a life or purpose that is beyond ourselves. Christianity is not just a belief system that requires us to stop doing a bunch of things. It is a whole new way of living that is less about us and more about God and other people.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Amen

Chaplaincy on the horizon

The Bible study was cancelled tonight. So, how about I share some more of the process. There are still a few more steps to the process with the Good News Ministry, but there is a chance that I will be filling the spot of one of the chaplains who is retiring from York County Prison and starting in January. I have a week intensive training in Richmond, VA that will hopefully happen in November or December. Then I may be moving up to PA in December so that I can train with the retiring chaplain. It is all so overwhelming to see how all of this is working out. God really seems to be orchestrating everything, which is very humbling. I look forward to seeing what God is doing there and how He will use me. I know I will have some pretty awesome things to share.

I'm so excited to be a chaplain. I have been working toward this for around three years now. I believe that God has confirmed that this is His plan. I didn't set out a fleece, get knocked off a donkey, or talk to a burning bush or anything, but His work has been evident in my life. The only obstacle is my house. It has been on the market since June and we have had around 29 showings. I am praying for it to sell by the holidays. I know that God doesn't operate in my timing. Sometimes I think He waits until the last minute so that we will remain dependent on Him. If everything happened the way we wanted it to than we probably wouldn't give God credit for any of it. So I'm not worried about it, but it is a thorn in my side at the moment. I would appreciate any prayers over it. Another thought is that some of the guards may even remember me or visa-versa. I think of what a testimony that will be. It's like redemption has gone completely full circle in my life and I am amazed!

Answered Prayers

It is also crazy to see how God specifically answers our prayers. I've always known that I should be careful of what I ask for, but I don't think it's good to pray with caution either. The Tuesday before last at the prison Bible study I prayed that God would make less of us and more of Him. I've prayed that before, but didn't notice Him answer it. That Friday I had a coworker cut me down like no one else has. He found out about what led me to be a chaplain and decided that I no longer deserved the respect he had previously given me. He was confident that he was a better person than me or anyone else that goes to prison. It gave me the opportunity to explain how we are all at the same level when put against God's standards of goodness. It also showed me a misunderstanding he had about Christianity and God and allowed me to share a different perspective with him. I'd like to say it ended well, but he stayed pretty upset. This then gave me the opportunity to treat him as if he hadn't said all those hateful things in the days that followed.

I shared this answer to prayer with my small group at the prison last Tuesday. This gave more opportunity to discuss a variety of things that can be more challenging as a Christian. What surprised me even more was that the same thing happened to one of the men in the group. He works in the medical wing and another guy that works in there cut him down and criticized his claim to Christ. One hard conversation for me led to many opportunities to give God glory, discuss important topics with other believers, and share the Gospel with someone who did not understand it.

Timidity vs. Boldness

My group had a very good discussion last night. We talked about fear and timidity as Christians. One guy is in a new dorm where he doesn't know very many people. He is use to reading his Bible out on the yard to give his cell-mate some room but in this new environment he has been reluctant to do so. He doesn't want to seem weak or like a "Jesus Freak." There is gang related pressure as well as people who might see him as a target. We talked about balancing boldness with wisdom and discussed 2 Timothy 1:7-9. It is difficult to find a balance between being bold and being pushy. Jesus did attract people, but He also turned a lot of people off. Maybe the same should be said of us? Any thoughts?

Another man in my group has a Muslim friend that he has discussions with. It seems like a good sign that his friend is asking him questions. Sometimes he brings those questions to the group to bounce them off of us. Hopefully the friend will just come to group one of these nights.

All of this spawned from a book we are reading on the holiness of God. It was a great chapter that explained how God's holiness makes people uncomfortable. Do we live the holy lives that we are called to live (1Th 4:7)? If not then why not?

vantage points

When I go to the prison on Tuesday nights the volunteers wait outside of the door for a Corrections Officer to run our things through the x-ray and walk us through a metal detector. Then we walk through a few different check points until we get to the chapel. It is through this process that the volunteers get a chance to talk. One of the volunteers told the rest of us that a 72 year-old man was killed last week. He made a joke saying, "ya know, he fell off of his bunk and was accidentally stabbed 50 times." We all laughed because of the stereotypes that we are accustomed to. Once we were in our groups at the chapel I thought about bringing it up and making a similar joke. I sure am glad that I didn't!!! Why was it so easy for us to make an insensitive joke about the murder of a 72 year old man? Probably because he was an inmate and most of our minds are not tuned into thinking of the sensitivities of inmates. We watch too many movies with big, tough, tattooed men that won't take crap from anyone. Well I can tell you that I gained a new vantage point yesterday.

Three of the men were very upset about the incident because they knew one or both of the men. The one who was killed and his attacker were both professing Christians. They wondered how a Christian man could just do that. It was as if they felt more vulnerable to falling into sin because of it. Many of them were in there for murder, but they were not Christians then. Now, seeing a fellow believer murder someone, they wondered how far they really were themselves from who they were before Christ. We talked about different men of faith who did terrible things as well as the possibility of the attacker not truly knowing Christ as Lord. We prayed for both men and their families and friends. But it was a sober time last night. I am grateful that I could learn from them while I ministered to them.

going through the process

Becoming a chaplain with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry has somewhat of a process to it. I've been leading a Bible study at a state facility since March and I turned in my application last month. Tomorrow I will have a phone interview with a regional director, Cam Abel. If anyone thinks of it around noon, please say a prayer for me.

Volunteering at Lieber Correctional has been a really good experience. I have 8 men in my group that meet every Tuesday. I've talked about some of my experiences with them, but not as if I were trying to relate. Spending four months in prison may sound long to most people, but not to these guys. A couple of them are lifers and all of them have been in for many years. Most of them hope for parole. I only know the stories behind a couple of them because I would never ask. Inquiring about the worst thing a person has ever done is usually not a good conversation piece. There is one man who seems perfectly content to stay where he is for the rest of his life. He knew nothing of God or the Bible before he went to prison but came to know the Lord in prison and now he sees the ministry he can have inside. He volunteers in the medical wing and always wants to pray for the men there.

My desire, while I minister to these men, is to give them hope and remind them of their future. It is so easy for any of us to get caught up in our worldly troubles. The bad economy, politics, relationships, and many more things can take our attention. One benefit that I think an inmate has as a believer is that there are less distractions. I've told my group many times that any of them could do more for God inside those walls than what a lot of believers do outside. I think that's because it is so easy to lose sight of what really matters... eternally.

My Story-The night is darkest just before the dawn

This is my first entry, so I suppose I should explain the name of the blog....

I have to be honest, I don't like how I got here and I don't like to tell the story. There are many well intentioned Christians who would tell me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my testimony for one reason or another. But, I don't think that even the Apostle Paul was feeling really proud of his testimony when he called himself the chief of sinners or when he thought back to his times of violence against Christians. How about the ex-slave trade merchant who wrote "Amazing Grace" which sings "who saved a wretch like me." Don't misunderstand me, I am excited about what God has done in my life, but that is the only reason I am going in the direction that I am.

I was raised by wonderful godly parents and committed my life to Christ at a young age. I was an average student and an average Christian. I never used drugs, I was committed to abstinence and spent most of my time with church friends. The problem is that when my faith was put to the test I failed big time. I became very infatuated with a girl who was in a family that I had become very close to. She had two brothers that I was friends with as well. The problem is that she was 14 and I was 20. Things got ugly quick!

A year later I found myself in the back of a cop car. I spent four months in York County Prison until I was released with a year of strict probation. While I was in YCP I met with three Chaplains who asked me how my relationship with God was. I immediately lost it and started crying. When I gained composure, I told them the sad but simple truth; I knew that God would wait for me, I didn't know if she would.

My actions followed as I violated my probation and was in a cop car again about 8 months later. That time the most unexpected thing happened. Her father wrote a letter to the District Attorney requesting that he drop all the charges. He consented to let me marry his 16 year old daughter. It caused an upset in the church as her family and mine went to the same one. Some felt he was just letting us get away with everything, others saw it as an amazing act of grace. At our small but cute wedding, he stood in-front of me and said "I once called you an enemy of my family, now I call you my son."

Finally I was free from the prison of sin that I made for myself. But, suddenly I was faced with piecing back together my relationship with God that I had betrayed for 2 years. The crazy thing is that He was anxiously awaiting my return. It's not that God was letting me get away with everything. He had already taken that sin and placed it all on the shoulders of His precious Son at Calvary. It was His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

As time went on and I began to reflect on my experiences, I had several "aha" moments. One big one was discovering what true devotion is. Jess was an idol in my life. Look at all that I was willing to give up for that relationship. My friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, and freedom itself. That "all-in" devotion to a human relationship taught me a lot about what I had always lacked in my relationship with God. What would my life look like if I was so devoted to God that friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, freedom, and life itself were all expendable if necessary for the sake of God?

About three years ago a passion began to stir in my heart to share the Gospel and help other Christians to discover that "all-in" devotion to God through discipleship. Even more, I wanted to help those who where the least in the eyes of society but still precious in God's sight. I wanted to minister to people in prison because of their position in life. Their need for God and devotion to Him are not disguised by worldly success. After finishing my Bachelors degree in religion through Liberty University and volunteering at Lieber Correctional, I am now applying with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry for a chaplain position.