vantage points

When I go to the prison on Tuesday nights the volunteers wait outside of the door for a Corrections Officer to run our things through the x-ray and walk us through a metal detector. Then we walk through a few different check points until we get to the chapel. It is through this process that the volunteers get a chance to talk. One of the volunteers told the rest of us that a 72 year-old man was killed last week. He made a joke saying, "ya know, he fell off of his bunk and was accidentally stabbed 50 times." We all laughed because of the stereotypes that we are accustomed to. Once we were in our groups at the chapel I thought about bringing it up and making a similar joke. I sure am glad that I didn't!!! Why was it so easy for us to make an insensitive joke about the murder of a 72 year old man? Probably because he was an inmate and most of our minds are not tuned into thinking of the sensitivities of inmates. We watch too many movies with big, tough, tattooed men that won't take crap from anyone. Well I can tell you that I gained a new vantage point yesterday.

Three of the men were very upset about the incident because they knew one or both of the men. The one who was killed and his attacker were both professing Christians. They wondered how a Christian man could just do that. It was as if they felt more vulnerable to falling into sin because of it. Many of them were in there for murder, but they were not Christians then. Now, seeing a fellow believer murder someone, they wondered how far they really were themselves from who they were before Christ. We talked about different men of faith who did terrible things as well as the possibility of the attacker not truly knowing Christ as Lord. We prayed for both men and their families and friends. But it was a sober time last night. I am grateful that I could learn from them while I ministered to them.

going through the process

Becoming a chaplain with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry has somewhat of a process to it. I've been leading a Bible study at a state facility since March and I turned in my application last month. Tomorrow I will have a phone interview with a regional director, Cam Abel. If anyone thinks of it around noon, please say a prayer for me.

Volunteering at Lieber Correctional has been a really good experience. I have 8 men in my group that meet every Tuesday. I've talked about some of my experiences with them, but not as if I were trying to relate. Spending four months in prison may sound long to most people, but not to these guys. A couple of them are lifers and all of them have been in for many years. Most of them hope for parole. I only know the stories behind a couple of them because I would never ask. Inquiring about the worst thing a person has ever done is usually not a good conversation piece. There is one man who seems perfectly content to stay where he is for the rest of his life. He knew nothing of God or the Bible before he went to prison but came to know the Lord in prison and now he sees the ministry he can have inside. He volunteers in the medical wing and always wants to pray for the men there.

My desire, while I minister to these men, is to give them hope and remind them of their future. It is so easy for any of us to get caught up in our worldly troubles. The bad economy, politics, relationships, and many more things can take our attention. One benefit that I think an inmate has as a believer is that there are less distractions. I've told my group many times that any of them could do more for God inside those walls than what a lot of believers do outside. I think that's because it is so easy to lose sight of what really matters... eternally.

My Story-The night is darkest just before the dawn

This is my first entry, so I suppose I should explain the name of the blog....

I have to be honest, I don't like how I got here and I don't like to tell the story. There are many well intentioned Christians who would tell me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my testimony for one reason or another. But, I don't think that even the Apostle Paul was feeling really proud of his testimony when he called himself the chief of sinners or when he thought back to his times of violence against Christians. How about the ex-slave trade merchant who wrote "Amazing Grace" which sings "who saved a wretch like me." Don't misunderstand me, I am excited about what God has done in my life, but that is the only reason I am going in the direction that I am.

I was raised by wonderful godly parents and committed my life to Christ at a young age. I was an average student and an average Christian. I never used drugs, I was committed to abstinence and spent most of my time with church friends. The problem is that when my faith was put to the test I failed big time. I became very infatuated with a girl who was in a family that I had become very close to. She had two brothers that I was friends with as well. The problem is that she was 14 and I was 20. Things got ugly quick!

A year later I found myself in the back of a cop car. I spent four months in York County Prison until I was released with a year of strict probation. While I was in YCP I met with three Chaplains who asked me how my relationship with God was. I immediately lost it and started crying. When I gained composure, I told them the sad but simple truth; I knew that God would wait for me, I didn't know if she would.

My actions followed as I violated my probation and was in a cop car again about 8 months later. That time the most unexpected thing happened. Her father wrote a letter to the District Attorney requesting that he drop all the charges. He consented to let me marry his 16 year old daughter. It caused an upset in the church as her family and mine went to the same one. Some felt he was just letting us get away with everything, others saw it as an amazing act of grace. At our small but cute wedding, he stood in-front of me and said "I once called you an enemy of my family, now I call you my son."

Finally I was free from the prison of sin that I made for myself. But, suddenly I was faced with piecing back together my relationship with God that I had betrayed for 2 years. The crazy thing is that He was anxiously awaiting my return. It's not that God was letting me get away with everything. He had already taken that sin and placed it all on the shoulders of His precious Son at Calvary. It was His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

As time went on and I began to reflect on my experiences, I had several "aha" moments. One big one was discovering what true devotion is. Jess was an idol in my life. Look at all that I was willing to give up for that relationship. My friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, and freedom itself. That "all-in" devotion to a human relationship taught me a lot about what I had always lacked in my relationship with God. What would my life look like if I was so devoted to God that friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, freedom, and life itself were all expendable if necessary for the sake of God?

About three years ago a passion began to stir in my heart to share the Gospel and help other Christians to discover that "all-in" devotion to God through discipleship. Even more, I wanted to help those who where the least in the eyes of society but still precious in God's sight. I wanted to minister to people in prison because of their position in life. Their need for God and devotion to Him are not disguised by worldly success. After finishing my Bachelors degree in religion through Liberty University and volunteering at Lieber Correctional, I am now applying with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry for a chaplain position.