What really matters?

Okay, so I am applying for jobs as much as I can. These days it seems I have to rely on staffing agencies or personal connections. At all my interviews people ask what my future plans are right after my degree comes up. It makes feel as if I should have a more concrete answer.

Here is what I've been thinking...

why do people look at people in "full time ministry" differently than everyone else. I will do more for God in a secular job if I am living with a mission than I would "in ministry" if I was just doing it as a job. I will be a more godly man if I pursue Christ because I love Him than if I practice spiritual disciplines because "that's what Christians do."

I know as much about the Bible as any young pastor, but as soon as I become clergy and get ordained people will start treating me much differently. All the sudden I am one of the "professionals" in the minds of Christian and heathen alike (yes, I use the term heathen loosely not as a slight). This is something that really bothers me. I have a lot of growing to do, but the minute I would become a chaplain people would all the sudden put me in this super class.

I want to build a reputation of being a God fearing man of integrity because of my dependence on Him, not because of degree or job title. Everyone that I come into contact with is dearly loved by God and there is a battle going on for his or her soul and that needs to define my actions. I really can be doing so much more. When is the last time God used me to lead someone to the truth of His salvation? Good question? Do you think that is a bad way to measure myself, because I don't. Some might say, "Ryan, it is God who saves, you just need to be a good witness and the rest is up to Him." I say that the fruit of a good witness is changed lives. Jesus commissioned his disciples to make disciples who make disciples (Matt. 28). As a disciple, I can't say I've been doing that very well. I can get so distracted with me time, family time, and work that I lose sight of what Jesus has called me to do. And I could separate my calling from my job, family, and hobbies instead of living out my calling in all of those things.

I'm not trying to beat myself or anyone else up here, but the reality is that people are dying every day and my own time is running out too. When I come before God at the end of it all I want Him to say that I have done well. If I died today I don't know if He would say that. I'm just trying to be real here, not harsh and no one knows how I am doing better than me. So the question I have to ask myself is, what do I do about it?

flying a kite

I know that I haven't written in awhile. There has been so much going on and I don't know how to sort it all out. There is so much even going through my head right now that I don't know where to start. So for now I will just tell a story that was told to me just a couple of days ago...

There was a boy who very badly wanted to fly his kite. But when he told his grandma, she said that he should wait because there was no wind. He was so excited that he went out anyway. Grandma watched through the window as he ran back and forth over and over again trying to get his kite to fly. When he finally wore himself out, he came in exhausted and a little disappointed. He could do everything in his power to get that kite to fly, but He can't do anything until God provides the wind.

I don't know who to give credit for this story. I don't even remember the name of the person who told me. I do know that God using that person to communicate this point too me, because right away I knew that that boy is me. I am open to anything and I am trying to look for God's will. Instead of waiting for doors to open I feel I have been trying to push some open. I truly feel this sense that this life can end at any moment and I will be standing before a Holy God who will take an account for what He has given me. What I need to be concerned with is how faithful I am right now with what God has already put in front of me.