To my bbb's and bff's

There is a common phrase now used, "Best friends forever" or "bff". Now, I've only heard of females using this phrase so I would have to be cautious before using it myself. But I've thought of one of my own..."bbb" or "brothers behind bars" or maybe "triple b." What is the point of all of this non-sense? Well, I'm glad you asked. I really just want to friendly the whole scene up a little bit.

When people hear about me pursuing chaplaincy the typical response is one of caution. It is as if I have chosen some dangerous vocation in the ranks with LAPD swat, subcontracting in Iraq, or a missionary in China.

I volunteer now in a state facility where the inmates have all committed more serious crimes. But, the guys that I meet with are all professing Christians and it is really just like any other Bible study. The examples they might have from their lives during discussions will often be different than a Bible study in suburbia, but that is about all. Many of these guys who come to Christ really need to be plugged in to an active church, if and when they are released, where they can walk their faith out. It is not uncommon for people to commit their lives to Christ without any change to follow. The bad part for ex-cons is that they get back into their old social networks and fall away from their faith and often go back to their criminal activities. I think that the core issue is the same in both situations. Becoming a Christian means that our whole life changes. We have new priorities, purposes, and a new sub-culture. Many other things might need to change like speech, appearance, habits, hobbies, finances, and more. The Bible talks about the old things passing away and being a new creation in Christ (2 Cr. 5:17). The church is our foundation for this life in Christ, who is the Cornerstone. It is through the church that we exercise our gifts and find our purpose in God's master plan. So many people pick a church based off of the show they put on for Sunday morning, but that is not the church. That is a man made tradition to worship and be taught as a group. The most important part is how each member contributes his or her God given gifts and abilities to further the kingdom (it's not about us). It is through this body we call the church, that ex-con's or law abiding citizens have a chance to be rehabilitated from sinners to saints. A community where we can work out our salvation in a process we call sanctification and live a life or purpose that is beyond ourselves. Christianity is not just a belief system that requires us to stop doing a bunch of things. It is a whole new way of living that is less about us and more about God and other people.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Amen

Chaplaincy on the horizon

The Bible study was cancelled tonight. So, how about I share some more of the process. There are still a few more steps to the process with the Good News Ministry, but there is a chance that I will be filling the spot of one of the chaplains who is retiring from York County Prison and starting in January. I have a week intensive training in Richmond, VA that will hopefully happen in November or December. Then I may be moving up to PA in December so that I can train with the retiring chaplain. It is all so overwhelming to see how all of this is working out. God really seems to be orchestrating everything, which is very humbling. I look forward to seeing what God is doing there and how He will use me. I know I will have some pretty awesome things to share.

I'm so excited to be a chaplain. I have been working toward this for around three years now. I believe that God has confirmed that this is His plan. I didn't set out a fleece, get knocked off a donkey, or talk to a burning bush or anything, but His work has been evident in my life. The only obstacle is my house. It has been on the market since June and we have had around 29 showings. I am praying for it to sell by the holidays. I know that God doesn't operate in my timing. Sometimes I think He waits until the last minute so that we will remain dependent on Him. If everything happened the way we wanted it to than we probably wouldn't give God credit for any of it. So I'm not worried about it, but it is a thorn in my side at the moment. I would appreciate any prayers over it. Another thought is that some of the guards may even remember me or visa-versa. I think of what a testimony that will be. It's like redemption has gone completely full circle in my life and I am amazed!

Answered Prayers

It is also crazy to see how God specifically answers our prayers. I've always known that I should be careful of what I ask for, but I don't think it's good to pray with caution either. The Tuesday before last at the prison Bible study I prayed that God would make less of us and more of Him. I've prayed that before, but didn't notice Him answer it. That Friday I had a coworker cut me down like no one else has. He found out about what led me to be a chaplain and decided that I no longer deserved the respect he had previously given me. He was confident that he was a better person than me or anyone else that goes to prison. It gave me the opportunity to explain how we are all at the same level when put against God's standards of goodness. It also showed me a misunderstanding he had about Christianity and God and allowed me to share a different perspective with him. I'd like to say it ended well, but he stayed pretty upset. This then gave me the opportunity to treat him as if he hadn't said all those hateful things in the days that followed.

I shared this answer to prayer with my small group at the prison last Tuesday. This gave more opportunity to discuss a variety of things that can be more challenging as a Christian. What surprised me even more was that the same thing happened to one of the men in the group. He works in the medical wing and another guy that works in there cut him down and criticized his claim to Christ. One hard conversation for me led to many opportunities to give God glory, discuss important topics with other believers, and share the Gospel with someone who did not understand it.

Timidity vs. Boldness

My group had a very good discussion last night. We talked about fear and timidity as Christians. One guy is in a new dorm where he doesn't know very many people. He is use to reading his Bible out on the yard to give his cell-mate some room but in this new environment he has been reluctant to do so. He doesn't want to seem weak or like a "Jesus Freak." There is gang related pressure as well as people who might see him as a target. We talked about balancing boldness with wisdom and discussed 2 Timothy 1:7-9. It is difficult to find a balance between being bold and being pushy. Jesus did attract people, but He also turned a lot of people off. Maybe the same should be said of us? Any thoughts?

Another man in my group has a Muslim friend that he has discussions with. It seems like a good sign that his friend is asking him questions. Sometimes he brings those questions to the group to bounce them off of us. Hopefully the friend will just come to group one of these nights.

All of this spawned from a book we are reading on the holiness of God. It was a great chapter that explained how God's holiness makes people uncomfortable. Do we live the holy lives that we are called to live (1Th 4:7)? If not then why not?

vantage points

When I go to the prison on Tuesday nights the volunteers wait outside of the door for a Corrections Officer to run our things through the x-ray and walk us through a metal detector. Then we walk through a few different check points until we get to the chapel. It is through this process that the volunteers get a chance to talk. One of the volunteers told the rest of us that a 72 year-old man was killed last week. He made a joke saying, "ya know, he fell off of his bunk and was accidentally stabbed 50 times." We all laughed because of the stereotypes that we are accustomed to. Once we were in our groups at the chapel I thought about bringing it up and making a similar joke. I sure am glad that I didn't!!! Why was it so easy for us to make an insensitive joke about the murder of a 72 year old man? Probably because he was an inmate and most of our minds are not tuned into thinking of the sensitivities of inmates. We watch too many movies with big, tough, tattooed men that won't take crap from anyone. Well I can tell you that I gained a new vantage point yesterday.

Three of the men were very upset about the incident because they knew one or both of the men. The one who was killed and his attacker were both professing Christians. They wondered how a Christian man could just do that. It was as if they felt more vulnerable to falling into sin because of it. Many of them were in there for murder, but they were not Christians then. Now, seeing a fellow believer murder someone, they wondered how far they really were themselves from who they were before Christ. We talked about different men of faith who did terrible things as well as the possibility of the attacker not truly knowing Christ as Lord. We prayed for both men and their families and friends. But it was a sober time last night. I am grateful that I could learn from them while I ministered to them.

going through the process

Becoming a chaplain with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry has somewhat of a process to it. I've been leading a Bible study at a state facility since March and I turned in my application last month. Tomorrow I will have a phone interview with a regional director, Cam Abel. If anyone thinks of it around noon, please say a prayer for me.

Volunteering at Lieber Correctional has been a really good experience. I have 8 men in my group that meet every Tuesday. I've talked about some of my experiences with them, but not as if I were trying to relate. Spending four months in prison may sound long to most people, but not to these guys. A couple of them are lifers and all of them have been in for many years. Most of them hope for parole. I only know the stories behind a couple of them because I would never ask. Inquiring about the worst thing a person has ever done is usually not a good conversation piece. There is one man who seems perfectly content to stay where he is for the rest of his life. He knew nothing of God or the Bible before he went to prison but came to know the Lord in prison and now he sees the ministry he can have inside. He volunteers in the medical wing and always wants to pray for the men there.

My desire, while I minister to these men, is to give them hope and remind them of their future. It is so easy for any of us to get caught up in our worldly troubles. The bad economy, politics, relationships, and many more things can take our attention. One benefit that I think an inmate has as a believer is that there are less distractions. I've told my group many times that any of them could do more for God inside those walls than what a lot of believers do outside. I think that's because it is so easy to lose sight of what really matters... eternally.

My Story-The night is darkest just before the dawn

This is my first entry, so I suppose I should explain the name of the blog....

I have to be honest, I don't like how I got here and I don't like to tell the story. There are many well intentioned Christians who would tell me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my testimony for one reason or another. But, I don't think that even the Apostle Paul was feeling really proud of his testimony when he called himself the chief of sinners or when he thought back to his times of violence against Christians. How about the ex-slave trade merchant who wrote "Amazing Grace" which sings "who saved a wretch like me." Don't misunderstand me, I am excited about what God has done in my life, but that is the only reason I am going in the direction that I am.

I was raised by wonderful godly parents and committed my life to Christ at a young age. I was an average student and an average Christian. I never used drugs, I was committed to abstinence and spent most of my time with church friends. The problem is that when my faith was put to the test I failed big time. I became very infatuated with a girl who was in a family that I had become very close to. She had two brothers that I was friends with as well. The problem is that she was 14 and I was 20. Things got ugly quick!

A year later I found myself in the back of a cop car. I spent four months in York County Prison until I was released with a year of strict probation. While I was in YCP I met with three Chaplains who asked me how my relationship with God was. I immediately lost it and started crying. When I gained composure, I told them the sad but simple truth; I knew that God would wait for me, I didn't know if she would.

My actions followed as I violated my probation and was in a cop car again about 8 months later. That time the most unexpected thing happened. Her father wrote a letter to the District Attorney requesting that he drop all the charges. He consented to let me marry his 16 year old daughter. It caused an upset in the church as her family and mine went to the same one. Some felt he was just letting us get away with everything, others saw it as an amazing act of grace. At our small but cute wedding, he stood in-front of me and said "I once called you an enemy of my family, now I call you my son."

Finally I was free from the prison of sin that I made for myself. But, suddenly I was faced with piecing back together my relationship with God that I had betrayed for 2 years. The crazy thing is that He was anxiously awaiting my return. It's not that God was letting me get away with everything. He had already taken that sin and placed it all on the shoulders of His precious Son at Calvary. It was His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

As time went on and I began to reflect on my experiences, I had several "aha" moments. One big one was discovering what true devotion is. Jess was an idol in my life. Look at all that I was willing to give up for that relationship. My friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, and freedom itself. That "all-in" devotion to a human relationship taught me a lot about what I had always lacked in my relationship with God. What would my life look like if I was so devoted to God that friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, freedom, and life itself were all expendable if necessary for the sake of God?

About three years ago a passion began to stir in my heart to share the Gospel and help other Christians to discover that "all-in" devotion to God through discipleship. Even more, I wanted to help those who where the least in the eyes of society but still precious in God's sight. I wanted to minister to people in prison because of their position in life. Their need for God and devotion to Him are not disguised by worldly success. After finishing my Bachelors degree in religion through Liberty University and volunteering at Lieber Correctional, I am now applying with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry for a chaplain position.