My Story-The night is darkest just before the dawn

This is my first entry, so I suppose I should explain the name of the blog....

I have to be honest, I don't like how I got here and I don't like to tell the story. There are many well intentioned Christians who would tell me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my testimony for one reason or another. But, I don't think that even the Apostle Paul was feeling really proud of his testimony when he called himself the chief of sinners or when he thought back to his times of violence against Christians. How about the ex-slave trade merchant who wrote "Amazing Grace" which sings "who saved a wretch like me." Don't misunderstand me, I am excited about what God has done in my life, but that is the only reason I am going in the direction that I am.

I was raised by wonderful godly parents and committed my life to Christ at a young age. I was an average student and an average Christian. I never used drugs, I was committed to abstinence and spent most of my time with church friends. The problem is that when my faith was put to the test I failed big time. I became very infatuated with a girl who was in a family that I had become very close to. She had two brothers that I was friends with as well. The problem is that she was 14 and I was 20. Things got ugly quick!

A year later I found myself in the back of a cop car. I spent four months in York County Prison until I was released with a year of strict probation. While I was in YCP I met with three Chaplains who asked me how my relationship with God was. I immediately lost it and started crying. When I gained composure, I told them the sad but simple truth; I knew that God would wait for me, I didn't know if she would.

My actions followed as I violated my probation and was in a cop car again about 8 months later. That time the most unexpected thing happened. Her father wrote a letter to the District Attorney requesting that he drop all the charges. He consented to let me marry his 16 year old daughter. It caused an upset in the church as her family and mine went to the same one. Some felt he was just letting us get away with everything, others saw it as an amazing act of grace. At our small but cute wedding, he stood in-front of me and said "I once called you an enemy of my family, now I call you my son."

Finally I was free from the prison of sin that I made for myself. But, suddenly I was faced with piecing back together my relationship with God that I had betrayed for 2 years. The crazy thing is that He was anxiously awaiting my return. It's not that God was letting me get away with everything. He had already taken that sin and placed it all on the shoulders of His precious Son at Calvary. It was His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

As time went on and I began to reflect on my experiences, I had several "aha" moments. One big one was discovering what true devotion is. Jess was an idol in my life. Look at all that I was willing to give up for that relationship. My friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, and freedom itself. That "all-in" devotion to a human relationship taught me a lot about what I had always lacked in my relationship with God. What would my life look like if I was so devoted to God that friends, family, reputation, money, jobs, freedom, and life itself were all expendable if necessary for the sake of God?

About three years ago a passion began to stir in my heart to share the Gospel and help other Christians to discover that "all-in" devotion to God through discipleship. Even more, I wanted to help those who where the least in the eyes of society but still precious in God's sight. I wanted to minister to people in prison because of their position in life. Their need for God and devotion to Him are not disguised by worldly success. After finishing my Bachelors degree in religion through Liberty University and volunteering at Lieber Correctional, I am now applying with Good News Jail and Prison Ministry for a chaplain position.